


Got food poisoning? Could B. cereus

by C Square (Emiko842)



Series: Gift fics for Zee [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Anime References, Bad Puns, Gen, Gift Fic, Homestuck References, Other, Sans and Alphys are roomates, Sick Fic, Vomiting, probably won't make sense without reading Feeling Bonely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 10:51:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11355972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emiko842/pseuds/C%20Square
Summary: Anime is going to kill Alphys someday. Anime and the fact that when she does something like, suggest trying snails after watching episode six of Barakamon, you don’t say ‘no bud that’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard’, you offer to try them with her.





	Got food poisoning? Could B. cereus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hTeDruknenPotaT](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hTeDruknenPotaT/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Feeling Bonely](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5246033) by [hTeDruknenPotaT](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hTeDruknenPotaT/pseuds/hTeDruknenPotaT). 



> An old gift fic for [zeezeepearl](http://zeezeepearl.tumblr.com/), probably won't make sense without reading [Feeling Bonely](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5246033/chapters/12103289)
> 
> Loosely based on the last time I got food poisoning.

Anime is going to kill Alphys someday. Anime and the fact that when she does something like, suggest trying snails after watching episode six of Barakamon, you don’t say ‘no bud that’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard’, you offer to try them with her. Lucky whoever she asked to collect snails for her got them to her during her free period. When you get the text that snails were not a good idea and she’s heading home you skip the rest of your classes that day to check on her, grabbing a bucket from the janitor’s closet on your way home.

When you get home Alphys is in her bed, she’s sweaty and green looking and you consoling offer her the bucket. She uncurls from her misery ball just long enough to grab it and vomit.

“T-this was a-a mistake, snails were a m-mistake”

You snort. “you ate them without me …” You shake your head sadly. “i thought we were supposed to be a team.”

She groans and hunches in on herself. “Naru looked l-like she were having way more fun t-than this.”

You pat her sticky shoulder. “i promise to put ‘died for anime’ on your grave, bud.” A world of gratitude shines in her eyes. “have you already called in sick for tomorrow? because, uh, it kind of looks like it’ll be a rough night.”

She groans louder and smashes her face into her pillow “BBBBLLLLrrrr, what if I-I just, d-don’t show up. Y-you could tell Doctor Gaster that I-I, died?” 

He’d probably think you’d killed her, it’d be hilarious. But she’s supposed to notify him if she’s sick and you don’t really want the old fartster mad at her. “k, gimme your phone. i’ll text him for you.” Grunting in thanks, she wiggles her home-repaired old cellphone out of her pocket and vaguely holds it in your detection. You make sure to keep your normal snideness out of the properly capitalized apology and explanation about food poisoning. Then you settle in for a afternoon of watching anime and switching out the vomit bucket.

The afternoon starts with Alphys trying to distract herself, pausing to talk about the show (getting in some decent rants before she’s vomiting bile again). Watching her choke what’s pretty much stomach spit into a bucket is gross. “i think I’ve read porn like this.”

Her look of horror as she looks into the bucket and realizes what you might be talking about is worth the flailing hands that smacks you. “You are not r-reading homestuck porn. Sans. T-that’s a new kind of low and t-that’s coming from me.” She looks at you solemnly. “Can y-you live with getting shamed by the king of the g-garbage? Homestuck is worse garbage than the king of garbage.”

You wheeze and muffle your chuckle behind your hand. “well I can barely live at all, so might as well bury myself in trash.” You hesitate for a moment “and come on, the red death girl is pretty cool.”

Alphys bends over and heaves into the bucket again adding to the small amount of drool at the bottom. When she looks up again she’s still pretty green, but there’s some life in her eyes. “Ok, m-me vomiting right then w-wasn’t a comment of Aradia! She is pretty cool and I appreciate the blatant, um, references to depression in her character arc. I w-would make out with the older version of her if I could. But, w-why are you reading homestuck porn!?”

You grin, “it’s funny, especially the ones that actually use buckets.” You actually only looked it up once to see if that was something people actually wrote, but frustrating Alphys out of feeling miserable gives some sparkle to your life, so you’re going to milk this. “mmmm baby let me just passionately spill into this pail. mop the floor with me sweetheart, tell me you pity me.”

Alphys groans and covers her sweaty face. “Why am I friends with you?”

You put you hand over your heart in mock hurt. “how could you say something like that alph? you’re breaking my moist diamond-shaped bloodpusher.” She flails at you more and you bring your arms up to cover your face, giggling. “come on you’re into the green lesbian, i’ve seen your sketchbook.” Shrieking she lunges at you then freezes, retreating and curling around the bucket again. The dry heaving lasts longer this time and you worriedly hover, wondering if she’d be ok with you rubbing her back.

When she’s done her eyes are wet and she looks even more awful. “A-as much as we’re going to talk about this, later! Since it’s kind of hard to get you into things, I think I’m too tired to think this m-much about stuff. Sorry.”

Your mouth stretches and you can feel sweat beading on your forehead, you hope she’s ok. “yeah, sure. let’s get back to the gay robots.”

You keep watching anime, but Alph is silent. You can see her shaking and you find yourself watching how her face keeps twisting in pain in between bucket grabs.

By midnight she’s not even looking at the screen anymore, just curled up on her side with her hands over her eyes and you’re starting to panic. What if it’s not just food poisoning? Are there actually poisonous snails? You probably should have thought of this before, god you’re stupid. You don’t think Alphys even has health insurance. You’re pretty sure you do through Gaster since you’re under 26 but you’ve never really looked into it. Could you dress Alphys up as you? You’re both short, black, and dying inside - you’re pretty much the same person already.

While you’ve been staring off into space freaking out, Alphys has started sniffing. You’re really wishing you could hug her right about now. “hey uh, anything I can do to help? i think i have some old friends with cars if we need to go to the emergency clinic.”

Alphys minutely shakes her head and mumbles out a weak “S-Sorry”. You fidget, yeah you’re feeling pretty useless. Might as well wash out the bucket real quick? Even if it only has spit in it, spit is pretty gross.

When you come back Alphys is curled up, crying and pulling at her hair, you feel kind of like shit for leaving her. Unsure of what to do you lay beside her and grab the cracked laptop that’d you’d been watching gay robots on. You google search 'food poisoning’ first, then 'poisonous snails’ and 'emergency clinic fees’. Now Alphys isn’t the only one sweating through their shirt.

“hey, hey alph. the snails you ate weren’t cone snails were they? you checked that they were actual edible snails that you decided to boil to be just like the animes, right? i think i should maybe, like, call 911 right now. or more realistically get to a clinic.”

Alphys moves for the first time since you got back, rolling to the side to look at you as she wipes her eyes. She clears her throat and your hands twitch, wanting to comfort her in a more cuddly way. “T-this was d-dumb, but not t-that dumb. I did, I mean, I checked. And also that’s an ocean snail, these were garden.”

You relax a bit at that, yeah, Alphys isn’t that dumb. Just dumb enough to eat garden snails that were probably collected in the dump. Admittedly you would have eaten them with her if you were there but ehh… details.

“ok but, do you wanna go to a clinic.”

She screws her eyes shut and shakes her head before grabbing the now clean bucket and alternating between dry heaving over it and crying. It looks like it hurts and you have half an idea to just try to get to a clinic anyway – you can pay for it somehow.

“ok, this gets worse though and we’re going.” She doesn’t respond, just lays back down with her eyes screwed shut.

You don’t sleep, Alphys goes in and out of consciousness and you spend the times alternating between talking to distract her - telling stories of the more harmless pranks you pulled as a kid, staying silent when she covers her ears and screws up her face, and playing her weird soft anime music. Every hour or so you try and make her drink some water to see if she can keep it down, but by seven AM she’s still vomiting it up within a few minutes of trying. You’re pretty sure she has a fever. You should probably buy a thermometer at some point.

It’s going to be a long day. Grimacing, you pull out your phone and text Gaster. Improvising you tell him that you stole some of his assistant’s take out yesterday and if he wants to see you today he can be the one to clean the vomit off the lab equipment, and his shoes, and from the insides of that mug he likes. 

You nap next to Alphys on the bed, waking up every once in awhile to make her try water again. You think she’s keeping some of it down by eleven so you leave her with water, her laptop, the bucket, and every blanket in the apartment and force yourself to go to the store. You grab stuff you’re pretty sure is supposed to be easy on the stomach: 7-Up, saltines, and oriental flavored ramen since it’s not as spicy as the stuff she already has. You wonder if there’s some sort of nausea medicine you should get, but to be honest you’ve been sick enough to develop a pretty solid hate of the stuff so you decide to leave it be for now.

Getting home, Alphys is awake and scrolling an anime forum. You sigh a little in relief.

“hey, how you feeling? you’re looking a little sluggish.”

She wrinkles up her face at you “Oh, hah. HAH.”

“you’ve really snailed the miserable poisoned look”

She gives you a long suffering look “D-do you want to slug it out Sans? B-because if you keep talking like that I’m pretty sure I could beat you in a slow nerd fight.”

You think you’re going to cry “i’m so proud. do you want to try drinking some 7-up or eating some crackers?”

She looks nauseated “Y-yes to the soda, I’m not sure I’m up to saltines though.” You consider pouring her a glass but decided to hand her the bottle instead.

Alphys keeps down the soda. She convulses over the bucket a few times but it doesn’t come up, so you consider that a win. You go back to watching anime and instead of closing her eyes and looking sicker when the characters eat anime food, (Why does that stuff always look so good?) she stares at it longingly.

“Ugg, I’m so hungry.”

“think you can keep something down?”

She puffs her cheeks out in consideration “W-we can try?”

You make her the ramen and she eats all of it quickly. Unfortunately for both of you it takes maybe ten minutes for it to come back up again.

“I-if vomiting weren’t so painful I’d say worth it, l-let’s try again in a bit.”

By that evening she’s keeping down some of the lighter foods and you’re relieved more than you want to admit. You even manage to prod her into taking a shower by telling her she smells like butt. She changes into pajamas and informs you that now that she’s clean she can tell your hands smell like vomit.

You haven’t showered in a few days anyway so you get clean and pull on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt as she cues up more anime. Man you’re glad something makes her happy even when she’s feeling like shit, but why is most of this so bad? Welp, you guess it’s just the price you have to pay for a great friend.

The night passes much more peacefully than the last one, though it’s still kind of rough since Alphys is still feeling pretty bad and having trouble sleeping. You sleep through the night in spurts waking up to get her more water or crackers or talk for a bit. You skip class the next day but go into work since you figure you and Alphys shouldn’t both disappear and reappear on the same days.

You’re pretty sure that you’re exhausted, fairly disheveled appearance is enough to convince the old man that you were actually sick. You can pretty easily ignore his comments on getting what you deserve for harassing his assistant.

By the time you get home Alphys is doing well enough to be catching up on homework on the couch and you slump down next to her, yawning.

“So, what we’ve learned from this is …”

“D-don’t bribe Catty and Bratty into c-collecting questionably edible snails?”

“Sure, sounds about right. Wanna try eating falafels tonight?”

Alphys squints at you suspiciously “Not, r-realy? I think I’m going to stick with ramen and salad, why?”

“Well I just thought since you still falafel … It might be fitting.”

You actually get a laugh, which you figure must be the universal sign of feeling better.


End file.
